shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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