he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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