What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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