so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
