I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize