One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
