Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
im on a boat
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