You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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