smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
