Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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