Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
