did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's shark week go big or go home
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
