Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
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Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oh god it's open bar.
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