Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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