I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
pray to the hookup gods
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
