my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
