i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
