I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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