We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
