we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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