Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
