Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
