And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
