It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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