Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i think i have herpe
just one?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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