I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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