I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize