I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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