kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize