I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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