I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
