Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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