On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
