Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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