I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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