Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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