it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
