is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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