WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
