I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
