The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
