well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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