Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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