The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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