You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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