he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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