i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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