i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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