Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
