I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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