I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize