cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
