rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
