IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
