She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
