He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
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Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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