he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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