So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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