I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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