The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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