he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
