Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
