so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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