My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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