Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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