she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
