I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
